There are some questions I can always count on as I begin work with my new clients. On the first inquiry, I get “What does something like this cost?” Before our first session, I always get “What should I buy for the session?” And for the first visit to the home, the number one question is “Is this the worst you’ve ever seen?” There seems to be three reasons for this question.
Reassurance. Please tell me I’m not the worst.
Owning it. Let’s get this out of the way. I know it’s bad. Can you help me or should we not bother continuing?
Strange pride. I need to be number one at something.
It’s never the worst. I got that out of the way early in my career in a hoarder’s apartment. Strangely, he didn’t ask if this was the worst I’d ever seen. There were piles up to my shoulder and only a tiny path between them. It was a lot of hard, frustrating work, but it did give the ability to truthfully answer “No, this is not the worst I’ve ever seen?” for the rest of my career.
After I reassure a new client that “No, this is not the worst I’ve ever seen?” I re-assure her with this: “It’s our job to make space, not judgments.” Judgments would be inappropriate and unhelpful, especially because there are usually some GOOD reasons for this BAD situation:
Family. If you have kids with many activities and maybe you’ve even got a full time job to boot, you’ve got more important priorities and getting organized just has to take a back seat.
Creativity. You are an intelligent person with lots of different interests and there just aren’t enough hours in the day to finish all the projects you start, let alone get organized.
Health. You have been focusing on getting well and don’t have the strength to keep all the stuff that piles up under control.
Ultimately “is this the worst you’ve ever seen?” is not a constructive question, but I often follow it up with a question that is constructive: “If you could wave a magic wand, what would you like to see in your space?” It’s only then that the magic can start to happen.
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